Mamas & Money

It has been so long since my last post but I hope to get better at staying more current. Last night Melanie Johnson of Athena Wealth Management came to talk to our stay-at-home moms group's "Moms Night Out with a Message." I have been hosting these series with topics that include Taming Tantrums, Healther Food Alternatives for Toddlers, Beyond Birds & Bees, Fall Styles for SAHMs, Self-Care for Moms, Nurturing our Parenting Partnerships, and Mamas & Money: Eliminating our Limiting Beliefs About Money.

In this ecomony, it is easy to feel afraid of our financial futures. As SAHMs, we are already living within a one-income structure and all the emotional "stuff" that comes with it. Melanie spoke to us about examining the financial beliefs we learned in childhood and how to begin to change the thoughts that hold us from feeling wealthy on many levels. Once we acknowledge our current relationship with money, we can choose to act more powerfully.

I really appreciated the openness of the moms who were willing to share about how their mothers and fathers handled money and how some were subconsciously repeating the not-so-benefical behavior. These included shopping trips where purchases were hidden from the spouse, a dad who insisted on controlling all of the family's finances, and a mom who was extremely successful in the corporate world, but handed over all her paychecks at home.

Next, Melanie recommended some ways that we can pass on more positive money messages to our children. From identifying shapes and colors of coins for tots, to ways of dividing that hard-earned babysitting money (10% savings, 10% charity, 10% investing, 70% spending), to how to find ways to buy that expensive toy together, to methods of encouraging delayed gratification, which will lead to prosperity.

Some of the Web sites she recommended for great information are:

http://www.wife.org/ (womens institute for financial education)
http://www.msgen.com/
http://www.prosperity4kids.com/
http://www.kiplinger.com/
http://www.bankrate.com/
http://www.mom.salary.com/ or http://www.salary.com/ (find out your mama salary!)

Jackie, one of the moms who attended has taken the lead in getting us together to form an investment club. I love how she says:

"Some of us are interested in exploring the idea of getting together fairly regularly to talk about investing ideas and ways to make ourselves more aware of finances, monetary goals, and good practices we can teach our children from the beginning, etc. These are just a few ideas. I believe one of the main goals is to be present in a conversation about money so we don't feel unprepared/left out/'dumb'."

For those interested in exploring this topic further, Melanie is co-hosting an event with Dr. Pam Monday, a licensed marriage and family therapist and counselor, for "Secrets of Successful High Earners." It is scheduled for Friday, October 3 from 11:30 a.m. - 3:30 p.m. at Carmelo's, 504 East 5th Street, Austin, TX 78701. Check out womenandmoneyworkshops.com.

I'll end this post with some photos of Gabriel at my recent soccer games. I've joined the Round Rock Women's Soccer League and play for an over-30 7v7 team called "Just Add Lime." We also play indoors at SoccerZone as the "Purple People Eaters." Playing again at 40 has been a blast!

The Purple People Eaters in Blue?

SoccerZone in Round Rock

My Biggest Little Fan

Old Settler's Park

Mama's Helper

Patience in the Texas Heat

Cool as a Cucumber

My Inspiration

Beyond Birds and Bees

On Tuesday, July 15th I hosted another Mom's Night Out with a Message at Kula Yoga. Our speaker was Katie Malinski, LCSW, who gave us a brilliant 1+ hour talk about healthy childhood sexual development and how to talk about sex with children. About 20 of our stay-at-home moms attended and the event garnered rave reviews.

A big concern since Gabriel has started Montessori and is with sitters sometimes, is assuring that he understands what inappropriate touching is and communicating in a way that he gets it without being scared. Like with all great intentions, the universe happened to send Katie's workshop information my way through our Business & Balance group, a wonderful gathering of supportive mompreneurs.

The evening was so informative and I feel a lot more empowered as a parent, especially when it comes to dealing with this subject. Katie is right in that this is a new topic for many of us. We weren't taught it, our parents most probably weren't either, except for maybe those creepy sex ed movies at school, or through our older friends in the neighborhood. Katie's sense of humor put us all at ease.

When Katie defined human sexuality as "a very comprehensive concept. Think: language, psychology, communication, self-esteem, body image, assertiveness, anatomy, autonomy, gender, peers, sensory experiences, the media and more," I knew it was more than just a topic about "sex." I appreciate understanding it for myself as an adult as well hoping to teach it to my son so that he may have healthy relationships with others on many different levels. How, as a parent, can I begin the conversation from the very beginning without scaring him or overwhelming him (and myself)?

I also appreciated knowing the "red flags" to watch out for, and the not-so-small ways in which we may be able to stop/diminish abuse in the children who come in contact with our own.

I liked how she told us to state the facts in an age-appropriate way (she gave examples), and then how to explain what our family values are. I also liked her examples on how to "direct" the appropriate behavior and not shame our child. My husband and I answered all the questions on the back of the handout and I'm relieved that we are on the same page when it comes to handling this topic.

One thing we did disagree on was the question: "Does your child have the right to say yes or no to physical closeness/touching?" Katie's example was saying: "Can you say hello to grandma?" instead of "Go give grandma a hug and kiss." I agreed with Katie, but my husband (Latin by design) believes in the closeness of family and would prefer to say "Give your grandma a hug." Our compromise was to encourage closeness, but if he says 'no' to be OK with it. Nice!

I got so many answers that evening. If you missed this mini-talk or would like to expand upon what we learned, you can attend the full workshop on July 20th from 2 - 5 p.m. by visiting beyondbirdsandbees.com. I will be asking Katie to come back for another MNO to talk about nurturing the relationship with our parenting partners. If there is interest, I can also try and host this topic of BBB again.


Oh, and by the way, Gabriel turned three in June! You didn't think I would post without mentioning that, did you? He transitioned easily to his big-boy bed (a big thank you to the abuelos and lola for the great gift!) and is already a brilliant negotiator.

Follow Your Bliss

We hear it all the time but when it comes to your life's work, how do you do it when there are bills to be paid and music classes for your toddler guitar prodigy? I got a glimpse of it on Friday night when I attended Laura Arnold and Elizabeth New's Cuisine, Culture and Conversation: An Evening in Provence. The evening promised to "explore classic recipes from Provence, the tradition of preparing food according to the rhythm of the season, the delights of shopping outdoor food markets, the pronunciation of cooking terms a la francaise, and vivid images and places of the Midi made famous by numerous artists and writers." A tall order, right? Well, it turned out to be one of the most nourishing, unique and fun "mom's nights out" that Christina and I have ever attended.

Let me give you little background. Laura was the facilitator of our Personal Renewal Group (PRG), founded by Renee Trudeau. During that once-a-week-for-six-months discovery group, everyone experienced a major life change, from the death of loved ones, to switching careers, to moving, and starting a business. Laura was one who left her long-time career in human resources to step into her glory and love of cuisine. She formed At Table, specializing in culinary workshops, classes and community. The evening in Provence was her first partnered offering and it was perfect.

Laura opened her beautiful home for the event and made sure to present recipes that were easy but profound in their flavors and presentation. We enjoyed watching her make Pissaladiere then continued to the living room to watch Elizabeth's presentation on the delights of Provence. Then we went back to the kitchen to learn about "Salade de Tomates, Citron, Croutons, Capres et Basilic, Saumon Braise au Viognier," "Le Flan d'Asperges," "Gigot d'Agneau," and "Gateau Breton et Fraises a la Creme de Yaourt."

The actual dining was poolside in her backyard, and as we turned the corner, we were greeted by the most beautiful white tables with vases of sunflowers, yellow and variegated sunburnt oranges. She even used her real silver and had candles in hurricane lamps. Laura's husband Russell and little son Dan attended to every empty glass or finished plate, and her mother was the experienced angel helping to make sure everything was in order and delicious. Christina and I could not have asked for better company at our table, and the French music was the topper. At the end of the evening, we went back inside to view the top things to experience in Provence and were surprised by an authentic almond treat (Les Calissons d'Aix) that sent us over the edge into pleasure overload.

These are women who obviously love what they do. They found their niches and the love they bring to their businesses shows in all their attention to detail and care for every one of us there. It was fun relaying my entire experience to Pedro late that evening.

Back to reality. This morning Pedro and I went over the painful task of reevaluating our household budget, which I should have done before resigning my consulting work. But I really want to focus on finishing my book and growing my photography business, both of which have taken a back seat for something that was easier and provided a good immediate salary. It scared me a little to think about how much I need to contribute financially--without my consulting crutch--to afford the things to which we've been accustomed.

SARK read my heart when she said, "...ignoring the dream had become so painful. I was living the opposite life I wanted to live, but once I started my dream, I was fierce and relentless. I don’t know if I would’ve been that committed if I hadn’t done all of those other things. I’ve been down to the end and almost died. I tried everything not to live the dream. I finally asked myself: why haven’t I ever tried living the dream?"

And just today my mom, whose husband recently passed in January said, "This is a big storm. I can either hunker down and ride it out hoping it will pass, or I can dance in the rain. I'm choosing to dance in the rain." So inspiring. She's coming to Austin for Gabriel's birthday, yay!

Tomorrow is Monday. Another day to start over and begin to move in the direction of my dreams. I'm posting this photo of my other little Bliss, holding his first lima bean plants he created at preschool. It starts with a little seed, right?

Not Austin Allergies This Time

I wish I could say I've been traveling the world in search of adventure so that I would have an interesting reason for not writing in a while. Instead, I've been trying to get over strep (thanks, Gaby!) and mostly the side effects of the antibiotics, which seemed worse than the strep. It has been almost three weeks now.



After the second week of not feeling better, I visited a naturopathic doctor. Besides about 9 capsules of supplements I have to take with each meal, I also had to cut out wheat, dairy, sugar and orange juice (what is there to live for?). Surprisingly it has been working and I feel confident about getting on a plane for Miami tomorrow for Mother's Day weekend.

Being a workaholic, illness is very uncomfortable for me on so many levels. One major cause of stress on top of the aches and pains are the thoughts of all those things that are not getting done: client work, laundry, nutritious family meals. The list is long and I tend to punish myself for being sick. This time around, it felt comforting when Pedro assumed some maintenance duties, and powerful when I realized how life continues on without my having to make sure it is moving in the right direction. I truly believe sickness gives us a great opportunity to rethink ourselves.

I recently attended a workshop called Business the Feminine Way with Sonya Davis. I was drawn to her emphasis on shifting to a new consciousness of following our energy and tapping into our intuition. Honoring our feminine essence means being radiant, flowing, intuitive, naturally connecting, expanded energy, attractive and magnetic. Sonya says that "When we say we don't have enough time or money, it is a sign that we are not managing our energy."

When it comes to business I have been habitually pushing forward, taking on projects I don't necessarily want to do, making sacrifices to "just get it done," and trying to accomplish multiple things I found easy in the past. Since becoming a mom, I have run against the wall of over-committing and feeling that my focus and energies are scattered. I am so frustrated at not being able to manifest the things I actually do want to create. Attending this workshop has been the first step in helping me find clarity and beginning to prioritize with a plan. I'm excited about the next few months because I have a few things brewing, stay tuned. I just adore Sonya!



That workshop also introduced me to Jesse Bloom of Ecstatic Cuisine, who catered our dinner that night. He calls it "wildly alive catering" and features organic, locally grown food while stressing community and cultures. Jesse catered the DVD release party I hosted for Desiree Rumbaugh here in Austin on May 1st. Not only does it match the yogic principles, but every mouthful was an explosion of flavors and textures that just made you feel alive. His partner is probably giving birth at this very moment. Thanks for waiting until after our event, Lauren!



Next week Gabriel starts Montessori preschool two days a week in the mornings. He loved his classroom and teacher, and I am starting to appreciate knowing that I will have a few mornings to tend to my work while he learns and socializes. May is unfolding magically.

Changes and Choices

I've been struggling with the decision to put Gabriel in preschool part-time so that I can get some work done. My photography work is bubbling to the surface, and I've got to find a way to pay for that D3! But when he was born, I committed to spending at least the first three years as his full-time mama, and I'm not ready for preschool five days a week just yet. But, two, maybe...from 9 to noon. There are lots of schools opening up near our home, and I've got open houses to attend in the next few days. Just looking.



Today was chock-full of moments that remind me how fast Gabriel is growing, and how glad I am to be spending so much time with him. This morning he learned how to take off his own shirt. And this afternoon he told me how is pal Madeline taught him about echoes. "If you clap your hands like this, you hear a echo! [lots of loud clapping] It comes from the house to the air. To the air to the two doors (garage doors)." He really understood it and I was thrilled to make echoes with him. "You have to clap louder, Mama!" Thank you Madeline! Lastly, a little strawberry showed up in our garden. Guess who volunteered to eat it?



So many of the yamas to practice this week: asteya (non-greed) and not craving expensive camera equipment other great photographers have; aparigraha (non-attachment) not holding on to Gabriel's terrific twos, and ahimsa (non-harming) being more compassionate with myself when I spend too much time in the "shoulds."

Everyday Beauty

My in-laws from the Dominican Republic and my sister-in-law and brother-in-law from Chicago visited us last week. We had a great time enjoying our favorite restaurants and each other's company. When people come to visit, I love putting together welcome baskets with goodies that say "we're glad you're here."

One great gift was inspired by my good friend and fellow mom, Christina. In her dining room was a framed piece of Alex's fingerpaint art. Inspired, I cropped one of Gabriel's masterpieces, had him sign his little name at the bottom with the date, and placed it in a simple glass clip frame. On the back I attached a photograph of his painting technique to give it more of a "collector" feel ;) Another great tip from Christina is to use the sheets of artwork, which we hate to throw away, as wrapping paper. Pure genius!



Last week's Parent & Toddler Yoga class centered on the theme of beauty. We stretched our arms to the side like bright rainbows, naming all the colors we knew. We balanced in sitting flower pose, and talked about roses and sunflowers and their colors. We even saw beauty in crocodile pose and snake pose, knowing they are all part of the wonder of nature. Then we read Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar and saw how a tiny, voracious caterpillar turned into a beautiful butterfly, after a transformational three-week adventure. It was a nice opportunity to count and recognize fruits (and lollipops, sausage and pie, too).



Just for today, let's focus on the beauty that surrounds us. Photograph it, read about it, touch it, give it a little squeeze.

Teaching Toddlers About Acceptance

The theme of Tuesday's Parent and Toddler Yoga class was acceptance. Being ok when you're upset because you can't go outside to play or when you can't have a toy at the store. We opened our hearts with a gentle sitting backbend to look at what life brings, then we bent forward in a gesture of acceptance for what is. One of the ways we can practice acceptance is by being present. And to practice being present, we can focus on what we are experiencing through our five senses.

The usually active toddlers sat quietly and turned on their listening ears as I played sounds inside a magic bag. Their task was to identify what the sounds were, like the revving up of an engine, the quacking of a duck and the jingling of silver bells. Then we moved on to what our noses told us as we rubbed rosemary in our palms and breathed in its aroma. Then we smelled candles and many of them recognized the smell of peppermint oil.



After a great class, I couldn't help but feel a little more spiritual, mindful to practice more acceptance in my own life. But then today Pedro told me that he will be going to the Masters in Augusta, GA in April--for business, of course--and my heart sank, forgetting all about the peace that glowed from me yesterday. A long-time golf fan, I have always dreamed of going to the Masters, but now Pedro gets to go. Just when I think I've climbed another rung on the ladder of enlightenment, the Universe tests my attainment. I'm working on it. Where's my lavendar?

Daylight Savings

It already seems like there aren't enough hours in the day, and today we've lost yet another hour. I've spent the weekend organizing my home, first by taking on one of my biggest tasks -- going through Gabriel's old clothes. Jennie recommended buying the Container Store's Clear Deep Sweater boxes and label them by size. Whatever doesn't fit in the box has to go. It has been a cleansing project. As I smelled and folded all his 0-3 and 3-6 month clothes my heart sobbed a little at his fleeting baby-ness.

When I wasn't cleaning, organizing, doing laundry, getting a massage and shopping for kid shoes, I played on the floor with my son. He's finally starting to love his Melissa & Doug puzzle set, the one that comes with 10 puzzles, front and back. He and I take turns putting the shapes in and for a moment time stands still, and we have all the time in the world.
















Can never get enough of these piggies!

Pedro made his famous Baps, doughy rolls that taste terrific with tea and honey. I think it's his stress-buster, but our collective diet-buster.

Welcome!

This blog was started out of a need to organize my thoughts. Jennie Glasscock of Organize & Harmonize is coming over tomorrow to help me feel more organized at home. As a business owner of three different but connected types of businesses, a big part of me wants to start fresh and lay a better foundation for growth. As an older mom, my intention is to be an engaged and loving parent and partner in my family's life and still find balance by nurturing my other roles and interests.

This weekend was spent trying to finish A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle so that I can have a clue during Oprah's class tomorrow night. The reminders of how our egos work and how awareness, consciousness and being present are the keys to true happiness pervade my waking moments.

My intention for this blog is to be of service to those seeking and sharing wisdom about life's joys.