Beyond Birds and Bees

On Tuesday, July 15th I hosted another Mom's Night Out with a Message at Kula Yoga. Our speaker was Katie Malinski, LCSW, who gave us a brilliant 1+ hour talk about healthy childhood sexual development and how to talk about sex with children. About 20 of our stay-at-home moms attended and the event garnered rave reviews.

A big concern since Gabriel has started Montessori and is with sitters sometimes, is assuring that he understands what inappropriate touching is and communicating in a way that he gets it without being scared. Like with all great intentions, the universe happened to send Katie's workshop information my way through our Business & Balance group, a wonderful gathering of supportive mompreneurs.

The evening was so informative and I feel a lot more empowered as a parent, especially when it comes to dealing with this subject. Katie is right in that this is a new topic for many of us. We weren't taught it, our parents most probably weren't either, except for maybe those creepy sex ed movies at school, or through our older friends in the neighborhood. Katie's sense of humor put us all at ease.

When Katie defined human sexuality as "a very comprehensive concept. Think: language, psychology, communication, self-esteem, body image, assertiveness, anatomy, autonomy, gender, peers, sensory experiences, the media and more," I knew it was more than just a topic about "sex." I appreciate understanding it for myself as an adult as well hoping to teach it to my son so that he may have healthy relationships with others on many different levels. How, as a parent, can I begin the conversation from the very beginning without scaring him or overwhelming him (and myself)?

I also appreciated knowing the "red flags" to watch out for, and the not-so-small ways in which we may be able to stop/diminish abuse in the children who come in contact with our own.

I liked how she told us to state the facts in an age-appropriate way (she gave examples), and then how to explain what our family values are. I also liked her examples on how to "direct" the appropriate behavior and not shame our child. My husband and I answered all the questions on the back of the handout and I'm relieved that we are on the same page when it comes to handling this topic.

One thing we did disagree on was the question: "Does your child have the right to say yes or no to physical closeness/touching?" Katie's example was saying: "Can you say hello to grandma?" instead of "Go give grandma a hug and kiss." I agreed with Katie, but my husband (Latin by design) believes in the closeness of family and would prefer to say "Give your grandma a hug." Our compromise was to encourage closeness, but if he says 'no' to be OK with it. Nice!

I got so many answers that evening. If you missed this mini-talk or would like to expand upon what we learned, you can attend the full workshop on July 20th from 2 - 5 p.m. by visiting beyondbirdsandbees.com. I will be asking Katie to come back for another MNO to talk about nurturing the relationship with our parenting partners. If there is interest, I can also try and host this topic of BBB again.


Oh, and by the way, Gabriel turned three in June! You didn't think I would post without mentioning that, did you? He transitioned easily to his big-boy bed (a big thank you to the abuelos and lola for the great gift!) and is already a brilliant negotiator.